Of Love and Robots...Happy Anniversary Dawn.

The year 1998 was a very complicated year. I was still adjusting to my new life in Arizona after moving from New Jersey. Dawn and I were also adjusting to each other and our impending life together. Bachelorhood to four kids took some getting used to. In January we had rushed Dawn to the hospital where she had to have her appendix removed. Later that year, in the fall, I ended up in the hospital with a kidney stone that was so large it had to be removed via a procedure called a ureteroscopy, landing me in the hospital for a few days, thus, missing my grandmother’s funeral. Finally in December, Dawn was back in the hospital having surgery to remove a herniated disk that was infringing on a nerve, beginning a decade of chronic pain and degenerative disk disease that she must endure to this very day...every day. Sounds pretty depressing, doesn’t it? The good thing, I suppose, is that we don’t view that time like a victimization. We don’t feel the universe was against us…we both were believers, even then, that our lives were what we could make of it and we were just a little unlucky for awhile. The Universe being random. The highlight of 1998 was on June 1st when Dawn and I were married.

So to get to the point, yesterday was our 10 year anniversary. 10 years. It’s almost hard to imagine that it’s been that long. To people like my parents, that might seem like a drop in the bucket as they approach their 50th next year. Now that is an accomplishment. 50 right now seems to me incomprehensible. We’ve watched a lot of good people around us not quite make it. Dawn has experienced it herself. In some ways, we have gone through so many milestones and problems and good times that I can see where 10 years have gone, but, it also feels like they flew by. I’ve always been told that the older you get, the faster the years fly and I suppose it does seem that way sometimes. Through it all we’re still smiling. On the inside, even! And that’s a good thing. In a previous post I mentioned how I’ve gotten through life smiling all the time even when I didn’t want to and nothing has changed…but as Dawn and I have talked quite a bit lately about our lives we can both agree that we’re still going strong. Trying to grow with your mate is no easy task and we’ve both gone through periods of “growing pains” that were enough to sleep in the guest room…but we never did. Oh, Dawn will occasionally end up on the couch, but, that’s because yours truly might have had a few to drink and the freight train that is my snoring becomes all too unbearable. (It’s gotten better as I’ve lost weight but it’s not gone.) I’ll wake up in the morning feeling the guilt of a Jewish mother as I realize that my beloved wife is not next to me. And I know why. Sometimes ear plugs just aren’t enough. She puts up with my leaving kitchen cabinets open and I put up with her not screwing caps on aspirin bottles or peanut butter jars. She puts up with my multiple emasculating “I’m sorry’s” and I put up with her morning scowl. It’s a give and take…marriage is, and the perspective needs to remain an equal one. Just as much as we have differences, and there are many, we both know how much we have in common. We both know how hard we work to keep the relationship going, even at times when it doesn’t seem like it’s made much progress lately. I know that she has grown and learned from me and I can tell you confidently that I have learned from her. Oh, so much. I’m pretty sure it’s the way a marriage should work.

I say all this because I want everyone to know that we’ve made it 10 years and it’s been worth every day of it. I’m proud of that. No, it hasn’t been without its moments and very low valleys…trust me. But we’ve endured a lot together and during those rough times we were supporting each other. When it counted. And that is what keeps us strong. You see, in a previous post, I called my wife a “walking logical robot”. She read it. She gave me crap about it…playfully, I must add. She understood I didn’t mean it in a disparaging way, which is one of the many reasons I love her so. She’s so damn smart. (Smarter than to use the word “robot” in any way to describe her spouse. I accept my lumps.) She has insecurities like any one of us but I think she is far more confident in herself than she gives herself credit for. And she has complete trust in her logic and intuition…and so do I. I admire it. I trust it, completely. I even brag about it. When I hear from her that her fellow nurses on the unit voted me “best husband” I know for sure it’s because of what she says about me. And it makes me feel good. It makes me feel valued and appreciated. I used to want to hear it more to my face but I think if I did…my head might not fit through the door. The same goes for her. And then there’s her beauty. My wife is not just beautiful…she’s hot. If she truly noticed all the head turning that goes on when we walk around together she wouldn’t fit through that same door. With every turn of a head, I am empowered. When we go out…I officially become…”Da man!”

Last night we watched our wedding video. Actually it was just the raw footage of our video as it seems like we misplaced the edited version, but nonetheless it was pretty surreal to watch…video of that day. It was a day of mixed emotions for me. I was so happy to be marrying her but there were weights on my shoulders as some of my guests at the time were none too thrilled to be there. I understood why and still do. I hadn’t given much reason for them, up until that point, to trust my decisions. It was also confirmation that I was “not going home” and I know that hurt. No one likes to hurt the people that they love. I was, however, terribly disappointed in some of their words. Those cuts went deep. But in the video, guess what…I’m always smiling. What a shock. I was never a very vengeful person so I certainly don’t want to appear smug, but, I can at least feel satisfied that Dawn and I “defied the odds” so to speak. I truly don’t think many people gave us much of a shot back then. I know ten years is not 15 or 20 years yet so there is always work to be done. But it’s also a lot longer than folks ever thought it would last. That’s why I’m proud to say, “Look at me now.” And I’m even more proud to say that there is no one I’d rather have spent it with than Dawn.

I love you, honey. Happy Anniversary.