Little League Fiasco, Part 2

I know I have issues in life...I don't think there is a human walking this earth that doesn't have some quirk here and there. One of my biggest pet peeves with people in life is this thing called excessive pride. Occasionally, I suffer from it myself. But, I like to think that I have some ability to manage it, to reflect enough to catch it most of the time and to hold myself accountable for it. It's those people out there who can't manage themselves that get my gourd. You know the type...who allow that pride to ruin relationships, ruin lives because they can't admit a wrong. It's so wasteful. A waste of energy. A waste of emotion. And ultimately, if they are cowardly enough, a waste of flesh.

I've come across many people in life like this. My grandfather, for example. We all loved him dearly but his pride came first and his loved ones second. Always. If you crossed him, that was it. You were dead to him until he said so. Sometimes it was years. So sad, really. Such wasted time being angry. There have been several others, too, but because of the pain that was caused by this hubris, I have learned how to limit it from my life. If it's family, than it simply has to be managed. If it's a friend, well, they're not a friend for long. Life is way too short for me to waste time on people who cannot compromise...a not so simple, yet necessary, mechanism with which we manage our inter-personal relationships day in and day out. This coach is a perfect example.

What a difference a day makes. Even after the last post, I had no idea how stressful a day in the life of Little League parents could be. After my wife's email to the coach explaining why she pulled him from running after the game (that he should be accountable for his mistakes if he wants his players to be accountable for theirs), he responded in a way that I suppose we should have expected, but still don't believe it happened like this. He emailed back this note which I have copied and pasted:

Dear Mr. & Mrs. Liddy:

I have passed all of your concerns over to the Player Agent and have meet with the League President to discuss the matter. We have come to the agreement that an apology is unwarranted however an explanation to the players is a good idea. That is why I sat the players down after practice today an not only explained the situation to them but also answered any questioned that they may have had. It is unfortunate that your son was not present. (we actually had a family outing that day and had no idea he was going to "talk" to his players) As far as Taylor not participating in running after the game, it was decided by the Player Agent, the President and myself that this is a team problem and not one to be addressed by the League. Therefore, your son will play the League minimum next game which is six consecutive outs and one at bat. If you continue to hold him out, he will be benched for the entire next game, and so on. It is unfair to allow a player who doesn't participate, to play the same amount of time as those who do. Please feel free to contact me if you have any questions.

Coach XZXZ

Now, grammar and spelling aside, there are a few items here that I take issue with. First and foremost is the Player Agent issue. The Player Agent in little league is supposed to be a member of the Little League Board who acts as a mediator between parties in any particular discrepancy. Typically a situation between coach and parent. The Player Agent in this case was... the coaches wife...a dictionary worthy example of the term Conflict of Interest. The other item I take issue with is his claim that "an apology is unwarranted" line. If you recall from Part 1, this whole fiasco stemmed from his blow up at a game where he was duly ejected from the field. The umpires felt it warranted to eject him. Because of the ejection, and in accordance of National Little League rules, he was automatically suspended from the next game. (Though the ESLL Board claims it does not mean that they support the suspension. They did NOT, however, fight it.) In my mind, this means that his suspension was therefore...warranted. But his email clearly states that an apology is "unwarranted" in this case. On what grounds, pray tell, would an apology be "unwarranted" after you acted like such a louse, Coach? Regardless of the umpires "attitude" as he put it, he acted like jerk. Plain and simple. How many times must we repeat that two wrongs don't make a right?

And finally, and perhaps my biggest bone to pick, is the line "Therefore, your son will play the League minimum next game which is six consecutive outs and one at bat. If you continue to hold him out, he will be benched for the entire next game, and so on." OK...deep breath. First of all, the rulebook clearly does not say "six consecutive " outs, but that is getting nit picky. It is not in compliance with Little League rules to bench a player for the entire next game, and so on. You just cannot do it. Not without cause...and a hearing...and an official ruling from the board. No. You just can't make a decision as a coach to not play a kid.

But this guy is all about two things: Being right. And being in control. He loves it. He needs it. He feeds off of it. And most people, it seems, appear to fear him for it. Nobody wants to make a problem, which I totally understand. Nobody wants to get to the point that we seemed to be moving towards...I get it. But we had had enough. We have nothing left to lose at this point. It you're going to bench my son, you will not do so without a fight. My wife felt like we needed any additional support considering how connected the coach was with league board and proceeded to take things into her own hands by forwarding the email to the rest of the team as well as the board president.

I'll own up to one thing I did wrong in this whole mess. Right from the beginning, I should have technically...technically mind you...contacted the coach directly when I was upset about his failure to man up and apologize for his behaviour. Based on his own email to the other league board which attempted to blame everyone else for his behaviour, I knew that it would be a losing battle, but still...from a technical standpoint I could have contacted him first instead of going directly to our board president. I believe wholeheartedly that it would have not made a difference and we'd still be where we're at because of his stubbornness but, nevertheless, there's my self-critique. I own it.

Now having said that, it was at this point that we opened Pandora's box. Based on Dawns email to the team, several other parents felt it safer to complain...and they did. Before you knew it, we had a meeting scheduled between the coach and us to end this insanity. Thank God. I knew that it would be stressful. But away we went.

We all entered the small building at the field that was soon to be the new snack bar. The board president started out talking to mediate the entire session and the coach stood there with the Player Agent (you know...his wife), another board member, Dawn and I and Pete...Taylor's loyal Dad. We aired our differences...and there were many. Dawn and I conceded that all we wanted was him to understand that we and other parents just wanted the same accountability for the coach that he demands from his players. He started to through out things like our son was a bully on the team and that he wasn't going to let a mother run his team and blah, blah, blah. The testosterone was pumping. His player agent...I'm sorry...his wife had to twice keep him in check with a redirected comment as he began to get too angry. "Stay focused" she whispered with a tap on the leg, "stay focused". It was a small room. It was also a perfect example of the man we've been trying to describe. No self-control. A rogue agent. He refused to compromise at all. He was the ultimate "right-fighter". No matter what, he needed to be right. A true measure of the man. Or boy. It was a pathetic display of arrogance and cowardice from a man who could not do the right thing. We were all trying to compromise, even his Player Agent, but he would not say the words. We concluded by agreeing to disagree, but even then...the words never came out of his mouth that he would comply with a compromise. He didn't have the strength.

That night we had a game and Taylor did play his usual 4 innings and he batted each time his spot came up, so the coach did ultimately concede...I guess. But he couldn't say it. My stomach churned all night as we sat just feet from his wife and within yards from the dugout where he sat. Pretty quiet, I might add. A welcome change. Stress. Lots of stress that night. So stressed that I didn't eat. That is saying a lot. I always eat.

Hopefully we'll just finish the next couple of weeks out ignoring each other as we should and as this is Taylor's last year playing ball we'll never have to deal with this crap again.

I remit my comment from my last post...I don't think I'll ever coach again.