I've said this many times before but I'm going to say it again and again and again. Just because people volunteer in their community doesn't mean they are selfless. Hero's are defined by their actions, not words and we're all well aware of how the road to hell is paved with good intentions. I don't serve my community anywhere near the amount I wished I did. It's one of the most fundamental American values that I truly DO believe in and our world would be better for it if most of us did more. In fact, my community service is barely legit because I always had a selfish claim in the mix...my kids. As a Little League coach, I provided my time, energy and knowledge about a game I love. Baseball! But I did so with a provision that one of my sons were always on the team. The good part is that despite the selfish nature of the effort, I usually had fun with the kids, even though we usually became counselor more than coach. Kids put enough pressure on themselves to do well so to bring out their best it takes not only a skilled sportsman and communicator, but a great understanding of a young developing mind. None of us were experts in the latter, but we did know enough to tip the scale in the positive and watched happily as a player succeeded. Sometimes that success came in the form of a great pitching outing and other times it was simply giving the kid enough courage to stay in the batters box after he'd been hit by a pitch in his last at-bat. Those were the battles won. Yeah, yeah, I know that winning is awesome and I'd rather win the ballgame than lose...but it's those moments of success that we remember more than the record.
Having said all that I must place my feet atop my soapbox and begin my diatribe about our current Little League experience. My son (stepson really but love is thicker than blood) is not a naturally gifted athlete. I'll never claim that he is. He is, however, an extremely smart player which more often than not compensates very well for any inadequacy he may show on the field. He knows where to go with the ball, he knows who to back up in most situations and he's aware of what's happening on the field. He may not always catch the ball but he always stops it. He may not have a strong arm but it's always on target. And where he is most comfortable (and successful) is at the plate. The kid can hit. Not home runs, mind you, but he puts up good at bats and gets simple hits. Consistently. His batting average is quite respectable. I preclude this information for a couple of reasons. First, because I DO like to brag about my kids. I admit it. Second, because he works hard for those accolades...he earns them. And third, because in our family I want it to be clear that we instill the ethic as the goal. That they DO their best. Not get first place or get that A, but to be satisfied with their performance. Not tolerant of it. And mainly, that life and success is in the moments, not the end results. If they get first place or get that A, than it's all gravy on the mashed potatoes.
Last years Little League season was quite a disappointment from a "learning experience" standpoint. His coach, though an amazingly nice guy, was a very lackluster coach who didn't really seem to understand the concept of leader. A pushover really, and we watched the kids make the same mistakes from the beginning of the season to the end. They learned very little. That is where I have my drudges...I want the kids to learn HOW to play this game that I love so much. So this year we were optimistic that lightening would not strike twice. Boy were we ever wrong. Much to our chagrin it got worse. Much worse.
This years coach was the polar opposite of last years. An angry, scowling and grumbling man whose brother (the assistant coach) seemed even angrier. Lots of yelling. Lots of "what they did wrong". A little of what they did right. I suspected we were in for a tumultuous year but I had no idea how bad it would get. You see, the politics were a little tricky. If you've never dealt with youth sports before, well...you might as well be in Washington D.C.. You see the league presidents son is also on the team. As are four other Board members kids. Angry coaches wife is on the board. I knew that if we had an issue with this coach, there may very well be little to do about it. They were all connected. We were not. But as the season progressed and the harshness of the coaches styles begin to feed this growing resentment within us we started noticing an unspoken buzz throughout the parents on the bleachers. There seemed to be a familiar sentiment that these coaches were not particularly in favor with everybody. At least we didn't feel alone anymore. Dawn was much more vocal about this than anyone and we know now that she was right all along. But then "the incident" occurred and it changed everything.
On a Friday night game at an opposing teams field, our coaches became dissatisfied with the umpires calls. Happens all the time. As a coach you adjust, and more importantly, you teach your kids how to adjust. But instead they decided that this was an opportunity to play Billy Bob Thornton. Our coach has been rehearsing for this moment anyway as he chews and spits his tobacco regularly at the KIDS games. Great role model, huh? So, without provocation both brothers (the coaches) began what I can only categorize as some of the most rude behaviour I have ever witnessed on a Little League field, by arguing in the most bullying, intimidating and taunting ways in front of all to see. Like a peacock fluffing it's feathers he sauntered over to the umpire arguing an irrelevant call with such anger, such disdain. He is considerably taller than the umpire so he proceeded to get close, look down on him with a twisting gaze that resembled that of a T-Rex about to savor a meal and yell with such a convulsed attitude that it made everyone uncomfortable. By the way, did I mention that these umpires were teenagers? No, I don't believe I did. He was acting this indignant with YOUTH umpires. There were comments from the sidelines, concerned parents who were asking our coach to walk away, go back towards the dugout but he appeared to not hear a word. It was than that I yelled above everyone, "Hey Coach, you're embarrassing everyone!!", because at that point I couldn't take it anymore. A seasons worth of frustration on my part came boiling over. Another parent yelled, "knock it off coach...this is LITTLE LEAGUE!!" He was tossed out of the game at this point but had still refused to leave the field. Finally, he turned and glanced toward the stands where he saw me and many others who had called him out and the look of hate in his eyes is something I won't soon forget.
There wasn't much left, but any respect I may have had for this guy was gone. We've all gotten angry before, but to be in that arena and not have the where-with-all to control yourself is unconscionable. I turned to look for his wife but she was long gone. Either humiliated or angry at us for turning on her husband, I'm not certain. He was subsequently suspended for the next game. But here's what happened the following week.
Before contacting the League President with a complaint, we all waited for the coach to give his apology...somehow. The next practice came and went and he said nothing to the kids. That alone would have diffused this for me as they were the ones he owed the biggest regrets towards. To show them what a real man is made of. To let them know that that is not how to handle the situation. But he failed. Further, no emails of apology went out to the parents despite his frequent emails throughout the season. He made no attempts. Here's the letter I finally sent to the President of our East Scottsdale Little League (names have been changed):
"Bob" -
I was hoping that after a few days I would have “cooled down” but it doesn’t seem to be the case. The behavior of Coach XZXZ and XZXZ at Friday night’s Orioles/Mets game at Supai Middle School was a black mark on East Scottsdale Little League. I have seen a lot of bad behavior at youth sports from kids, parents and coaches before, but the display of disrespect, bullying and downright rudeness by both coach XZXZs’ towards the YOUTH umpires was an embarrassment to the umpires, the kids on the field, the parents in the stands and the East Scottsdale Little League as a whole. Board members and all. I have never seen a coach show such a lack of respect to both umpires before and I hope I never see it again.
As a former coach, I know that everyone has their own “style”. I know that Coach XZXZ and Coach XZXZ are volunteers who dedicate their time, money and energy week in and week out for these kids, including my own. I don’t doubt for a second that they have the best of intentions for the team, that they truly love the sport and that they care about the kids. But sometimes that intent doesn’t make it all the way to the field. Of course, kids have to learn that in baseball, it’s not all gummy bears and “everybody’s a winner” chants. At some point, real competition creeps in. But the harshness that is used by both of them on a regular basis crosses the line more often than it should. I, and many other parents, hear a lot more negative comments than positive. I’m sure that some compliments are made in the dugout out of earshot. But unfortunately for the coaches, sometimes we do hear things from the dugout as well. When I hear a coach say out loud in front of 11 and 12 year olds that he “wants to kick some kid’s ass”, I know that he hasn’t read the ESLL Code of Conduct. This is not about political correctness or overprotecting the kids. And I’m no prude, I guarantee you. But, a youth sport is supposed to be about teaching kids fundamentals of the game…which includes sportsmanship. Friday night both XZXZ and XZXZ showed none of the latter.
I would have sent this email sooner but I wanted to give the coaches the benefit of the doubt. I hoped that they would acknowledge their abhorrent behavior and explain to the kids that their behavior was not acceptable. To man up. But nothing has been said. Nothing was said to the kids at Sunday’s practice and no emails have gone out to the parents. I take the coaches “silence” as a statement itself that they did nothing wrong. Where the line between excessive pride and cowardice is muddled.
The look of anger on Coach XZXZ’s face the other night makes me wonder if he’s truly up to the task of teaching YOUTHS. After all, this was a Little League game. Perhaps, he’d be better suited for high school or college ball. This is not intended to be a witch hunt and I’m not calling for him to step down, but I think in the least…IN THE LEAST…he owes his team, those umpires, the parents and the board a heartfelt apology.
Respectfully,
Michael and Dawn Liddy
Without revealing my source, I had the opportunity to see a letter that our coach had sent right after the incident to the opposing teams league president. It acknowledged nothing of his contribution to this entire episode and he blamed it solely on the youth umpires. ON THE 15 YEAR OLD UMPIRES?!?!?! The true testament of this "man". Or shall I say child. This man is nothing. An empty angry shell who need not be put in care of any child. At our last game I was approached by several people, board members included, who had seen my letter and thanked me for writing it. Apparently, we said what everyone wanted to say but seem afraid to.
After the game, our illustrious coach talked to the kids about the game and then lined them up to do what they do after EVERY GAME. They make the kids run wind sprints for every mistake they made that night. So the last impression these kids leave the field with after every game, even if they play great and win the game, is the punishment for ANY mistake they have made. A missed ball or a looked at third strike. ANY mistake that they made is a sprint. Negative, negative, negative! Coach of the year, huh?
Before our son had a chance to run, Dawn hustled on to the field and told the coach, "My son is not running for his mistakes until you apologize to these kids and admit yours." He just looked at her stunned and said "OK" and we took him home. He tried to call Dawn at our son's fathers house late that same night (Another example of a coach who doesn't even know his players. He has both our emails, we all go to every game and it's the end of the season.) Dawn sent him a note simply stating that he needs to own up to his own message of accountability that he wants out of his players and admit his fiasco at that game to his kids.
That's where we are right now. Patiently awaiting his next move. Ahh, Little League...maybe I should coach next year again and satisfy my own ego.
I'll keep you posted.
Having said all that I must place my feet atop my soapbox and begin my diatribe about our current Little League experience. My son (stepson really but love is thicker than blood) is not a naturally gifted athlete. I'll never claim that he is. He is, however, an extremely smart player which more often than not compensates very well for any inadequacy he may show on the field. He knows where to go with the ball, he knows who to back up in most situations and he's aware of what's happening on the field. He may not always catch the ball but he always stops it. He may not have a strong arm but it's always on target. And where he is most comfortable (and successful) is at the plate. The kid can hit. Not home runs, mind you, but he puts up good at bats and gets simple hits. Consistently. His batting average is quite respectable. I preclude this information for a couple of reasons. First, because I DO like to brag about my kids. I admit it. Second, because he works hard for those accolades...he earns them. And third, because in our family I want it to be clear that we instill the ethic as the goal. That they DO their best. Not get first place or get that A, but to be satisfied with their performance. Not tolerant of it. And mainly, that life and success is in the moments, not the end results. If they get first place or get that A, than it's all gravy on the mashed potatoes.
Last years Little League season was quite a disappointment from a "learning experience" standpoint. His coach, though an amazingly nice guy, was a very lackluster coach who didn't really seem to understand the concept of leader. A pushover really, and we watched the kids make the same mistakes from the beginning of the season to the end. They learned very little. That is where I have my drudges...I want the kids to learn HOW to play this game that I love so much. So this year we were optimistic that lightening would not strike twice. Boy were we ever wrong. Much to our chagrin it got worse. Much worse.
This years coach was the polar opposite of last years. An angry, scowling and grumbling man whose brother (the assistant coach) seemed even angrier. Lots of yelling. Lots of "what they did wrong". A little of what they did right. I suspected we were in for a tumultuous year but I had no idea how bad it would get. You see, the politics were a little tricky. If you've never dealt with youth sports before, well...you might as well be in Washington D.C.. You see the league presidents son is also on the team. As are four other Board members kids. Angry coaches wife is on the board. I knew that if we had an issue with this coach, there may very well be little to do about it. They were all connected. We were not. But as the season progressed and the harshness of the coaches styles begin to feed this growing resentment within us we started noticing an unspoken buzz throughout the parents on the bleachers. There seemed to be a familiar sentiment that these coaches were not particularly in favor with everybody. At least we didn't feel alone anymore. Dawn was much more vocal about this than anyone and we know now that she was right all along. But then "the incident" occurred and it changed everything.
On a Friday night game at an opposing teams field, our coaches became dissatisfied with the umpires calls. Happens all the time. As a coach you adjust, and more importantly, you teach your kids how to adjust. But instead they decided that this was an opportunity to play Billy Bob Thornton. Our coach has been rehearsing for this moment anyway as he chews and spits his tobacco regularly at the KIDS games. Great role model, huh? So, without provocation both brothers (the coaches) began what I can only categorize as some of the most rude behaviour I have ever witnessed on a Little League field, by arguing in the most bullying, intimidating and taunting ways in front of all to see. Like a peacock fluffing it's feathers he sauntered over to the umpire arguing an irrelevant call with such anger, such disdain. He is considerably taller than the umpire so he proceeded to get close, look down on him with a twisting gaze that resembled that of a T-Rex about to savor a meal and yell with such a convulsed attitude that it made everyone uncomfortable. By the way, did I mention that these umpires were teenagers? No, I don't believe I did. He was acting this indignant with YOUTH umpires. There were comments from the sidelines, concerned parents who were asking our coach to walk away, go back towards the dugout but he appeared to not hear a word. It was than that I yelled above everyone, "Hey Coach, you're embarrassing everyone!!", because at that point I couldn't take it anymore. A seasons worth of frustration on my part came boiling over. Another parent yelled, "knock it off coach...this is LITTLE LEAGUE!!" He was tossed out of the game at this point but had still refused to leave the field. Finally, he turned and glanced toward the stands where he saw me and many others who had called him out and the look of hate in his eyes is something I won't soon forget.
There wasn't much left, but any respect I may have had for this guy was gone. We've all gotten angry before, but to be in that arena and not have the where-with-all to control yourself is unconscionable. I turned to look for his wife but she was long gone. Either humiliated or angry at us for turning on her husband, I'm not certain. He was subsequently suspended for the next game. But here's what happened the following week.
Before contacting the League President with a complaint, we all waited for the coach to give his apology...somehow. The next practice came and went and he said nothing to the kids. That alone would have diffused this for me as they were the ones he owed the biggest regrets towards. To show them what a real man is made of. To let them know that that is not how to handle the situation. But he failed. Further, no emails of apology went out to the parents despite his frequent emails throughout the season. He made no attempts. Here's the letter I finally sent to the President of our East Scottsdale Little League (names have been changed):
"Bob" -
I was hoping that after a few days I would have “cooled down” but it doesn’t seem to be the case. The behavior of Coach XZXZ and XZXZ at Friday night’s Orioles/Mets game at Supai Middle School was a black mark on East Scottsdale Little League. I have seen a lot of bad behavior at youth sports from kids, parents and coaches before, but the display of disrespect, bullying and downright rudeness by both coach XZXZs’ towards the YOUTH umpires was an embarrassment to the umpires, the kids on the field, the parents in the stands and the East Scottsdale Little League as a whole. Board members and all. I have never seen a coach show such a lack of respect to both umpires before and I hope I never see it again.
As a former coach, I know that everyone has their own “style”. I know that Coach XZXZ and Coach XZXZ are volunteers who dedicate their time, money and energy week in and week out for these kids, including my own. I don’t doubt for a second that they have the best of intentions for the team, that they truly love the sport and that they care about the kids. But sometimes that intent doesn’t make it all the way to the field. Of course, kids have to learn that in baseball, it’s not all gummy bears and “everybody’s a winner” chants. At some point, real competition creeps in. But the harshness that is used by both of them on a regular basis crosses the line more often than it should. I, and many other parents, hear a lot more negative comments than positive. I’m sure that some compliments are made in the dugout out of earshot. But unfortunately for the coaches, sometimes we do hear things from the dugout as well. When I hear a coach say out loud in front of 11 and 12 year olds that he “wants to kick some kid’s ass”, I know that he hasn’t read the ESLL Code of Conduct. This is not about political correctness or overprotecting the kids. And I’m no prude, I guarantee you. But, a youth sport is supposed to be about teaching kids fundamentals of the game…which includes sportsmanship. Friday night both XZXZ and XZXZ showed none of the latter.
I would have sent this email sooner but I wanted to give the coaches the benefit of the doubt. I hoped that they would acknowledge their abhorrent behavior and explain to the kids that their behavior was not acceptable. To man up. But nothing has been said. Nothing was said to the kids at Sunday’s practice and no emails have gone out to the parents. I take the coaches “silence” as a statement itself that they did nothing wrong. Where the line between excessive pride and cowardice is muddled.
The look of anger on Coach XZXZ’s face the other night makes me wonder if he’s truly up to the task of teaching YOUTHS. After all, this was a Little League game. Perhaps, he’d be better suited for high school or college ball. This is not intended to be a witch hunt and I’m not calling for him to step down, but I think in the least…IN THE LEAST…he owes his team, those umpires, the parents and the board a heartfelt apology.
Respectfully,
Michael and Dawn Liddy
Without revealing my source, I had the opportunity to see a letter that our coach had sent right after the incident to the opposing teams league president. It acknowledged nothing of his contribution to this entire episode and he blamed it solely on the youth umpires. ON THE 15 YEAR OLD UMPIRES?!?!?! The true testament of this "man". Or shall I say child. This man is nothing. An empty angry shell who need not be put in care of any child. At our last game I was approached by several people, board members included, who had seen my letter and thanked me for writing it. Apparently, we said what everyone wanted to say but seem afraid to.
After the game, our illustrious coach talked to the kids about the game and then lined them up to do what they do after EVERY GAME. They make the kids run wind sprints for every mistake they made that night. So the last impression these kids leave the field with after every game, even if they play great and win the game, is the punishment for ANY mistake they have made. A missed ball or a looked at third strike. ANY mistake that they made is a sprint. Negative, negative, negative! Coach of the year, huh?
Before our son had a chance to run, Dawn hustled on to the field and told the coach, "My son is not running for his mistakes until you apologize to these kids and admit yours." He just looked at her stunned and said "OK" and we took him home. He tried to call Dawn at our son's fathers house late that same night (Another example of a coach who doesn't even know his players. He has both our emails, we all go to every game and it's the end of the season.) Dawn sent him a note simply stating that he needs to own up to his own message of accountability that he wants out of his players and admit his fiasco at that game to his kids.
That's where we are right now. Patiently awaiting his next move. Ahh, Little League...maybe I should coach next year again and satisfy my own ego.
I'll keep you posted.
1 comments:
Send the letter to LL regional headquarters. I think that stuff is at LL.org
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